i just wanna soil my oats bro
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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