it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
