she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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