You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
