i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
