His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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