he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
