Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
