dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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