he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
