Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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