Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
