wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
