Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
