Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
