Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
