Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
