Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i drank out of a bidet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
