that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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