woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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