glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
