I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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