This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
