he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
