No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
