Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
