the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
