You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
