Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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