Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
