I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
