I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
