you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
