he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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