Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
