This is not my ceiling
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
