I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
