I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
