Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
