oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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