As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
