So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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