i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
