Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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