sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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