I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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