Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
