My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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