I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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