i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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