I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
