grandma shit on top of the toilet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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